So....if you've ever had to call 911 because your toddler is choking, we can officially sympathize with you!
Before I go on ~ Ian is completely fine!!!
Thank you, Lord!!
If you've spent many a meal time with Ian then you may know that he's not much of a chewer (if that's a word;).
He tends to swallow instead of taking the time to savor his food. I don't why. He's always done this.
We've been working on trying to get him to chew for quite a while now. We'll remind him before and as he's eating "little bites, chew please" and he'll do this cute thing where he'll move his mouth up and down like he's chewing BUT he still pretty much guzzles his food down.
So, tonight I fixed him popcorn chicken for dinner. As usual, I notice he is putting WAY to much food in his mouth. At about the exact same time as the words, "little bites, chew..." start to come out - instead Steve (who is around the corner with the baby) can hear me saying "oh no, oh no, he's choking, he's really choking!"
Some things are kind of blurry, I think my adrenaline was going crazy. I remember Steve saying he was calling 911 - I think at first I said that it was okay and that he didn't need to.
I grabbed Ian out of his high chair and he was looking at me with this horrible look of panic, he couldn't breathe and he was grabbing at my face. I was fighting back my own panic.
Yes! call 911!!
While Steve is talking to them, Ian starts to cry and cough up his food. He finally throws up all over me - THANK YOU, LORD!!!!
The EMT come and check him out, which of course made him a little nervous at first. But within a few minutes he is showing off and giving them high fives. He even tells them "I chew it" before they leave, like he's reassuring them that he will chew his food next time.
After they left, I gave Ian a bath. I watched him playing with his cups and boat and talking to "Sam" a little figurine that was also taking a "bat".
I started sobbing.
Steve came in and we just sat there - forehead to forehead for a few moments. Everything was fine, but for a few moments our world felt so crazy, so scary, so out of control!
When I started this post I didn't know what I was going to title it. But as I've been writing, the words came....
I surrenderit's SO hard for me to surrender, especially my kids. I want so much to protect them, so much so that sometimes I become so consumed with worry or fear for their safety. I can't do it anymore.
It overtakes me. I become consumed with anxiety instead of trust. How can I expect my kids to trust me as a parent if I'm not putting my trust in the One who takes care of me?
I surrender......all to you....all to youThe beautiful, powerful words to a song we actually sang this morning during worship.
I find myself very much at peace right now.