Sunday, June 08, 2008

I surrender

So....if you've ever had to call 911 because your toddler is choking, we can officially sympathize with you!
Before I go on ~ Ian is completely fine!!!

Thank you, Lord!!

If you've spent many a meal time with Ian then you may know that he's not much of a chewer (if that's a word;).
He tends to swallow instead of taking the time to savor his food. I don't why. He's always done this.
We've been working on trying to get him to chew for quite a while now. We'll remind him before and as he's eating "little bites, chew please" and he'll do this cute thing where he'll move his mouth up and down like he's chewing BUT he still pretty much guzzles his food down.

So, tonight I fixed him popcorn chicken for dinner. As usual, I notice he is putting WAY to much food in his mouth. At about the exact same time as the words, "little bites, chew..." start to come out - instead Steve (who is around the corner with the baby) can hear me saying "oh no, oh no, he's choking, he's really choking!"

Some things are kind of blurry, I think my adrenaline was going crazy. I remember Steve saying he was calling 911 - I think at first I said that it was okay and that he didn't need to.

I grabbed Ian out of his high chair and he was looking at me with this horrible look of panic, he couldn't breathe and he was grabbing at my face. I was fighting back my own panic.

Yes! call 911!!

While Steve is talking to them, Ian starts to cry and cough up his food. He finally throws up all over me - THANK YOU, LORD!!!!

The EMT come and check him out, which of course made him a little nervous at first. But within a few minutes he is showing off and giving them high fives. He even tells them "I chew it" before they leave, like he's reassuring them that he will chew his food next time.

After they left, I gave Ian a bath. I watched him playing with his cups and boat and talking to "Sam" a little figurine that was also taking a "bat".

I started sobbing.

Steve came in and we just sat there - forehead to forehead for a few moments. Everything was fine, but for a few moments our world felt so crazy, so scary, so out of control!

When I started this post I didn't know what I was going to title it. But as I've been writing, the words came....

I surrender

it's SO hard for me to surrender, especially my kids. I want so much to protect them, so much so that sometimes I become so consumed with worry or fear for their safety. I can't do it anymore.
It overtakes me. I become consumed with anxiety instead of trust. How can I expect my kids to trust me as a parent if I'm not putting my trust in the One who takes care of me?

I surrender......all to you....all to you

The beautiful, powerful words to a song we actually sang this morning during worship.

I find myself very much at peace right now.


Leilanni said...

Oh my. Oh my. As soon as I read your first paragraph I gasped out loud - even though I knew you said it was all okay. Just the thought and knowing how very scary that was for all of you gave me chill bumps all over!! Praising the Lord that sweet boy is just fine! How's the chewing coming these days?? Yikes!

I LOVE what you said about surrendering. "I become consumed with anxiety insted of trust." This is a battle for me as of late (well more so lately than usual) and this really speaks to my heart. Thanks for letting God speak through you in this post - a great reminder for me to surrender!

Love you!

Rachel said...


I just met you on Sunday, but you have already ministered to me in a much needed way through this post. God is working on me very hard lately -- as you read on my blog, I am fighting a lot of fear and anxiety, too. Thank you for the encouragement to "surrender all." I continue to try!

As for the choking incident, my goodness! Isn't it crazy how being a mother can you can be so thankful for something like vomit?! I'm so excited that there's someone at Christ Journey with two little boys. With three of my own, I look forward to journeying through this life with little boys alongside someone in a similar place. We have not yet had to call 9-1-1, but we, too have had several scary incidents. Hang in there! I look forward to knowing you more...

The Potts Family said...

I can't imagine how scary that is. I think Braelyn is probably a lot like Ian in her eating habits. She has 6 teeth, but doesn't really care to chew, so we've had to take it slow.
I am so glad he was able to cough it up and was okay. Whew.
I can't tell you how many times I've done the finger scoop thing on Braelyn and she wasn't even choking. She probably thinks I just like to gag her every now and then, poor baby.
I know the feeling about surrendering. When I first had Braelyn I was overcome with worrying about everything. You know how it is. Then, one day Jay said to me "Julie, she is not ours. She belongs to God. So we do what we can to protect her, but she ultimately belongs to the Lord" I really think God spoke to me through my husband, because this is not the kind of wisdom that typically comes out of Jay's mouth! Ha!
So, now, when I'm worrying about things that are out of my control,I remember that. And you're right - they are God's children just as we are God's children and he takes care of them in the same way he cares for us.
Its just so difficult when you're a Mommy to let go and realize that. But doing so does leave you peaceful and faithful that God is in control.

Heidi said...

Rachel, I am SO sorry. We had an incident like that at McD's and even the workers were leaning over the counter staring at us with concern. It is amazing the amount of scary thoughts that can go through your mind in such a short time. We love your boys SO much and are SOOOOOOOOO glad Ian is ok. Thanks for reminding me to surrender....I had Chris come and pray over me last night because I was having a hard time surrendering some anxious thoughts. It is amazing how God releases my worries immediately and how the Spirit soothes and calms my soul. Love you!

Anonymous said...

I love you Rachel and will do my best to encourage you as well as set an example in giving our lives to God.

I can't think of a way in which I've been more blessed in my life than to be able to celebrate father's day.

No hope can be given to either of our children in this world if I were to consider myself their one and only father.

As they grow, I seek to surrender my pride and admit my failures as a father, letting them know that there is a Father figure that is more important than the one they think can beat up Chuck Norris. They have a Father that can overcome the worst evil and has defeated death itself.

What an honor to accept temporary guardianship over these two boys, but we will together show them that ownership of everything we have (including our own lives) belongs to One.

Thank you for saying yes to me and with me!!