Ian's Prayer

Ian and I were headed home with the other day and heard him talking more than he usually does in the car. I looked back to see him praying. He looked up at me and then continued to pray.

I don't normally stop for much when I'm on my way home from work, but I had to pull over that day and recorded video of him so that I could send it to Rachel.

Although he is obviously just imitating what he sees other people doing, it was just one of those feel good moments. It is encouraging to see evidence of the many great people that are in Ian's life.

We're blessed to have such great family on both sides that love Ian and support us and the family we have started.

Little Man

I see Ian everyday. And to be honest with you, he is only about 18 months old but I still feel as though time is going a bit too fast.


When I see pictures like this one, when he had just been born (this is my favorite by the way), I can't help but try and picture in my mind what I missed. Where did that helpless little child go? Don't get me wrong, I am well aware of where he is developmentally but I can say that he is gaining an independent spirit very quickly. He wants to feed himself, change his own diaper, go outside with or without Rachel or I, and he seems to be a little too brave with our cat Smokey who is more annoyed by his position in life with the passing of each day and Ian's enthusiasm to figure out new ways of playing with him.

With another one on the way, it's hard to imagine what another addition will bring to this family. I am amazed with my son every time I see him. He is at that stage where it's something new everyday. I have been blessed countless times in my life but when I come home everyday, I find my "core". I find the source of the gravity that keeps me grounded. I can only imagine what I will feel like when I come home nine months from now and that feeling is grown exponentially.

We won't know if we are having a boy or a girl for a while, but I know what I have right now, and that's a little man. When I see Ian, who looks and acts like me at times and think of how we are all made in God's image, it drives home the importance of what we have as members of His Kingdom. Our stewardship of that gift should be our top priority.

I look forward to the final nine months of Ian being the only child. He will no doubt prepare me(as I hope to do for him) for the arrival of our families newest member. I have learned countless lessons from Ian in the past 18 months and will no-doubt be learning from him as long as I am alive. For now, I hope to slow things down a bit and soak it all in, Ian, my beautiful wife, and our transformation into a family of four.

MY mama!!!

Ian's been going through a major separation anxiety phase the last few months. Which in all honesty, at first was a little endearing that he wanted and needed me so much. Who doesn't love to be loved?! But it's getting to be a little too much now. I really struggle because I want to comfort him and at the same time encourage him to be able to adapt to new people and surroundings. He is fine if I'm around, but it's difficult to leave him in the nursery at church or sometimes to even walk away from the table if we're having lunch with a friend. I don't want him to feel so much anxiety.

He's even gotten jealous of Steve a few times...at first we both thought it was kind of cute how he would point at us holding hands and make these noises like he was annoyed (like let go of her). Then he would try to take Steve's hand off of mine. We would tell him "mommy and daddy love each other too and it's okay if we hold hands" and then we would try to include him by hugging and loving on him. But he does not like for us to hold hands or lay in each other's lap at all. He loves on both of us a lot but is very unsure of us loving on each other.

It's such a fun age as far as all of the new things he's doing and learning, but this is a really hard stage for me when it comes to how to address situations like this. He seems to break down sometimes out of nowhere. And I know it's probably all normal "toddler" behavior but....i don't know. I just want him to feel safe and have fun when I need be somewhere else.

Lost in Translation

Ian is learning so many new things constantly. It's so crazy how much and how quickly babies change. It's really amazing to watch him!!

He can now touch parts of his body when we ask him where they are (which is so cute!). He will touch his nose (sometimes up it), mouth, ear, tongue, feet. I'll try to post some video of him doing this. His vocabulary is also increasing...

Ian............................Translation

dada...................................daddy
mama................................mommy
gigee..................................kitty
ou-shy...............................outside
nigh-nigh..........................night night
shooz.................................shoes
pss.....................................please (although MUCH more reluctantly lately)
aah-K................................okay
hhhi...................................hi (this is when he plays with the phone)
ymumym.........................yum,yum,yum
szat...................................what's that? (accompanied with a point)
tee....................................tree
ball....................................ball (very clear - yea!)
jssss..................................juice
buh...................................bye
ahh gah.........................all gone (SO CUTE - he holds his palms up)

There are a few other words he's said on occasion, but not sure if he was just copying us or really saying them yet.

He's also getting more frustrated lately, which is trying on us but I know it means he's maturing too. When he's done with his drink he'll bring it to me and hand it to me for a refill, but instead of saying "pss" he says "uuuuhhh". I KNOW he can say please. He went through many weeks saying it to us when he wanted another bite of our food or for us to open something. But now all of a sudden when I ask him to say please when getting him more to drink he gets mad and just keeps handing me the drink over and over again and saying "uhhh" with increasing whining. We're battling! I don't know if he's just being stubborn or what.

He's definitely becoming his own little person, and I know that it must be pretty frustrating to not be able to fully communicate your wants and needs.

Everyday is an amazing adventure!
I sure love that little guy!!!

When one door closes another door opens....and closes and opens and closes...ahhhh!

Ian has learned how to open ALL of the doors in our house, no door is left unnoticed by him - if it's got a handle it's getting turned....several times. He discovered his new obsession on Monday evening. Ian and I were hanging out in the living room while daddy was taking a bath after getting home from work. Ian headed down the hall and usually I would go after him but Steve had closed the door so I figured Ian would just turn back around and head back...WRONG. A few seconds later I heard the rush of bath water and said, "nuh, uh!!". Steve was laughing and Ian was pretty impressed with himself. I thought it was a one time thing, so I picked Ian up and we went back into the living room....nope. At first he could only open the door on the side where he could push it open after pulling down the handle but the next day he quickly mastered the other side, actually pulling the door open. He thinks it's the best trick ever. He open and closed and laughed hysterically ALL DAY!! So...if anyone knows where we can get something to put over "handlebar" door handles please let me know!!!

Father's Day

Yes.... I realize that it is several days past Father's Day, and I feel guilty that I wasn't able to make a post before now but I do want to take the time to acknowledge the awesome daddy that God gave Ian!!!

This past year has been a difficult year within our personal relationship, many of you have prayed and are still praying for us, and we can't express our appreciation enough!! I don't preface this post with this information for any other reason than to praise God for His healing that He is doing in us and to also point out, that even amongst our struggles as a married couple I have ALWAYS been extremely thankful for the father Steve is to our son.

Steve has had to take on a different role than most fathers take on. He's been Mr. Mom for the past year with Ian - waking up with him in the mornings, feeding him breakfast and lunch each day, changing thousands of poopy diapers, scheduling nap times, playing, chasing, hugging, kissing, refereeing.....

and while I'll admit I'm envious that I'm not the one home with Ian during the day, I am beyond THANKFUL that it's my husband, his daddy who loves and adores him so much, that takes care of him!!!!!

Steve is an awesome dad! He's stepped up beautifully and embraced this amazing gift that they both have been given.....time with each other.

I love you so much Steve and am blessed to be your wife and partner! Thank you for being such a wonderful daddy to our precious baby!!!

1st "official" haircut

Okay....so I've pretty much been in denial for a while about Ian needing to get his haircut (by a professional....other than myself that is). He has TONS of hair! I guess he got it from Steve because my nickname for the first few years of my life was "woodstock" (you know the bird with a few sprouts of hair).
I was afraid that if he got his haircut he wouldn't look like my little baby anymore - that he would look like a "big boy". Plus, I love his little curls in the back. And, yes, I realize how ridiculous I sound but I'm holding on to every little thing I can. BUT....his hair was starting (actually WAY past starting) to become out of control. My occasional snips with the rounded baby nail scissors, which is actually a whole lot more like sawing than snipping, just wasn't cutting it, literally. Especially since his cute little curls were teetering on a baby mullet. So.....it was time. Steve and I decided to take him to one of those places just for kids thinking it would go smoother (HA!). That morning his hair was in rare form - Exhibit A....

We came in, video camera in hand to landmark this special occasion. Ian sat in the cutest little car, had Elmo and Mr. Noodle on T.V. in front of him and was doing great.....for about 30 seconds. As soon as the stylist started spraying his head with water he began crying, then sobbing - you know the kind of sobbing where you're making that hiccuping noise - yeah, it was that one. The lady was awesome though. I have no idea how they can cut babies (or "big boys":) hair so well with them screaming and squirming. It did take her a good 20 minutes though to cut his hair - mainly because he had SO MUCH!! But in the end, he looked very handsome!!! Exhibit B...

Been a While!

It's been a while since I posted on here, so I thought that I would let everyone know that all is well.

Rachel is out of school for the summer and will not be working for the first summer that I can remember, so she will be able to spend more time with him. I, on the other hand, will be working more hours this summer and will be filling a more traditional role as provider (at least for the summer).

This may be a rough transition for me. I am used to seeing him for most of the day, and won't be able to do that for a while, but I will have weekends off to spend more time with Rachel and Ian than I have been able to in the past, so that will be good.

Don't have much else to offer. Ian has learned a dirty look that he gives when he does not get his way. Rachel says that he learned it from me. I think he did too, because at first I thought it was cute so I would make the face back at him then we would laugh. I sure learned my lesson on that one because it isn't so funny anymore. Well, I think Ian still finds the humor in it, but Rachel and I are not so amused.

Anyway, I will share some more recent pictures and a video when I get a little more time on my hands.

Got Milk?

Everyone will tell you that Ian looks like Rachel. Today though, he looked like me when faced with the thought of drinking milk (if you've seen me, you know I've never been a fan of milk). After eating his whole lunch, I said "all done". This is the look I got.

I just thought he was thirsty (For some reason he rarely takes a drink until he has finished eating his food). So I put his glass of milk in front of him. I guess I was mistaken.

I proceeded to aske him what was wrong and continued to try and sell him the milk.





Needless to say, I never closed the sale. So, in holding true to customer satisfaction, I decided to give him some juice. As I was pouring the juice I was thinking ahead to what I would do if it was not the milk/juice factor. I walked up to him, took the milk away and replaced it with the sweet concoction of 1/2 water and 1/2 juice. There was a brief moment of contemplation. Then......

I know a growing boy needs his milk and I always told myself that I would never give into a desire of his if I knew it was not the best thing for him. I guess that when I told myself that, I wasn't thinking that giving in would ever produce good results. After seeing the absolute joy of my son, it's evident that the result of this parental decision was nothing but good.

Mother's Day

I have been very fortunate when it comes to the wife that God placed in my path, and her momentary brain-fart the moment she said yes. All things that work at fulfilling God's purpose work together, and through Him they are being reclaimed by the creator and by Him are made perfect.

I am very aware of what I have been blessed with. Many of these things I took for granted for a long time before coming to the realization of the gap between what I have, and what I deserve. I have to admit that for way too long I did not give praise for my mother (I blame it on guys just being that way), but now I see that I owe so much to her and how she loved me without end.

It is fair to say that Ian may not see this love in it's depth, until he is able to have a child of his own or until he gets to a certain point in his life, like we all do. But I am here to say to him and show him, that God has blessed him beyond measure in the choosing of this boy's mother.

Rachel loves me more than I can say, and I feel it everyday. But my son has been given a mother that loves him like a mother loves. I saw them bond for 9 months before I even met him. When she sang to him inside her, I heard my mother doing the same to me. When she caressed her round tummy, I felt the faint touch of my mother's hand on my back, and when she could hardly get out of chairs because of the pain, I saw my mom then too. I could have told you I was blessed, but till I saw this relationship form from day one, I never thought that the love of a mother was something I may never be able to get my mind around.

Rachel, today is your day. And just like every other mother who loves so completely, you deserve many more. Our son is so blessed to have that kind of love from you, and while he may show it at times and other times not so much as he grows, there is no doubt that he will be blown away by the love you have for him when he matures to see it. Watching you with him has allowed me to see the things that I know my mom did but was too young or too foolish to see at times.

Thank you for being the mother of my greatest gift. I could have never imagined a better mother for my son, or partner in raising him. Most importantly, thank you for allowing God to work through that love to raise our son His way. For that I am forever thankful!!

Happy Mother's Day

But...but...BUTT!

Just thought I'd share a funny picture of Ian. Sorry for the stupid title, butt it's all I could think of (sorry, I had to).

Together At Last!!

For one reason or another, Rachel and I have not been able to share a photo appearance with Ian. Most of the time it is one or the other who has to take the picture, and when we are with others who are able to do so, we get caught up in spending time with them and forget to have someone snap one of our family.

Thanks to Charles, one of our friends at Church, we have what we have been missing for too long, a picture of the three of us together.


Thank you Charles for your fine photography skills, and to the Thompsons for the camera that was laying around for us to play with.

Toddler Time....

I remember the day of Ian's birthday party - running around like crazy trying to make sure everything was ready....we were literally decorating up to the very last minute. why do we moms do this to ourselves? in some weird sort of way we must actually thinks it's fun to draw cityscapes on 20 feet of butcher paper, direct your husband where to hang the tree vine from the ceiling, run to the grocery story 124 times because you keep forgetting something and try to find time to put your mascara on while you take your "potty" break (as you now call them) before your baby's guests arrive...all the while he has absolutely no idea what in the world is going on and decides to take a nap in the middle of his own party. Oh, how I wish I could have joined him!

Anyway....my cousin comes in to the kitchen to help cut up vegetables for the burgers, we hug and she asks me, ever so casually, "so...how does it feel to be the mother of a toddler?"

(pause for dramatic heart dropping here)

What?!!!??? Ian isn't a toddler, I tell myself. he's still a little baby!!

"hush your mouth" i say to her!

how could Ian be a TODDLER? toddlers are constantly on the go. toddlers are getting into everything. toddlers start to become defiant and get mad when you tell them "no". toddlers squirm out of their mother's arms to play on the ground. toddlers grab the diapers out of your hand while your changing them, throw the diaper on the ground, flip over, stand up on the table and put the cord to the blinds in their mouth all while your bent over getting a wet wipe.

**GASP***

Could it be? is my sweet baby boy really becoming a....TODDLER?

i don't think i am ready for this. things start swirling around me. the annoying voices of people telling me "don't blink or you'll miss something" start to echo in my mind, then guilt and finally sadness creep in when my thoughts turn to - well then, what will i miss being at work 40+ hours a week?

the thoughts are seriously almost too much for me to even think about. so i stop...and i give praise to God for the amazing child we've been asked to be parents to and the blessings. oh, the blessings!!!

i rejoice in the time i do have with ian. how blessed i AM that i have summers and holidays off! how blessed i AM that i have a husband who is a great father to share this with!

how blessed i AM that my little baby boy, who is turning into a toddler, and i sat a few feet away from eachother having a 'stare down' while he whined the infamous tearless cry (you mamas know what i'm talking about) and got mad each time i said "no" to him getting into the cat's bowls.

So blessed.

Rough Start to Year 2

It has been two weeks since Ian's 1st birthday party. I would say it went very well. Rachel was very creative as usual so that took away any worries I had of a dull party.





The cake was awesome. It was made by Rachel's aunt Nita and then decorated by Nita and Rachel both.






Our little monkey had his own banana to grub on and from the looks of things, he enjoyed it.

He may have enjoyed it a little too much......

Ian has been battling runny nose and cough since then though. I'm not too sure he wasn't feeling it on his birthday. He had a few separate occasions where he looked like he does in the picture above. He also slept alot that day too, which is not like him.

There is no doubt he's a trooper though. I doubt anyone other than Rachel and I could even tell he felt bad. That is one of the greatest things that Ian has taught me over the past year. I'm the world's worst baby when I'm sick, I go into hibernation. Ian on the other hand won't miss a beat when he's sick. He'll keep on laughing at our cat or enduring my guitar playing just enjoying the cardboard boxes that all of his toys came in. I have seen the healing power in just being happy to be here, wherever here happens to be.

Birthday Boy

Yesterday was Ian's 1st birthday. We had a great time. It was a Curious George theme and between Rachel and the other creative members of her family, it was a really cool party. I have video of the day and Nathan took a ton of pictures, so as soon as we get it all ready we'll share the day with those who were not able to come. He goes to the doctor on Tuesday for his 12 month check-up, so I will try and get everything ready this week and update you all.

In the meantime, I will share one of his most recent pics. I just thought March seemed like a good time to show off some new duds and a great big smile. These were taken on the night that Kansas played Texas for the Big 12 title. Although he smiles like this 95% of the time, I think I know why he's so happy.

Word Vomit....

For almost a year now I have found myself in the middle of a conversation, okay almost EVERY conversation, talking about my son. Everything seems to somehow relate to him. For example, I can be in the grocery store, baby aisle of course, and Ian doesn't even have to be with me but I randomly find myself in conversation with someone about how my son is now eating more "big boy" food...and when did you start your kid on whole milk? should i mix it with formula first?...

I can be at the pharmacy asking strangers...what's the difference between a vaporizer and a humidifier? do you really need both? my son, Ian, has a new thing with sticking his finger in the medicine thing on the vaporizer.....blaaaah, blah, blah, blah, blah...........

I, literally, can incorporate his name into everything I do. And if I can't find a way it somehow sneaks on in there.

I'll call my friends from high school and college....."hey, how's is going.....listen to what Ian did today...."

I've ALWAYS got a story about something new he's learned or that's hysterically funny (probably mostly just to Steve and I) that I find myself NEEDING to share!

If you've got just a second, whether I know you or not, you get to see the wallpaper on my phone of Ian sticking his tongue out; or the one of him laughing at 'fake sneezes'; don't forget the one of him with bed head; or sneaking into the cat's water dish....

I have 'coined' this uncontrollable plethora of stories and praises about my child......WORD VOMIT.
(okay, I didn't really 'coin' it - I, shamelessly, stole it from the movie "Mean Girls")

But that's what it's like....word vomit. I can't control it. Every new thing he's doing I have to share with someone, anyone. Before I can stop myself I'm giving detail after detail of what my kid's dried snot looked like all over his nose the other morning when I woke him up to a co-worker in the hall. I cannot stop, I am seriously out of control.....and I LOVE it!!!!

I love watching him learn new things. I love how crazy his hair is in the morning when he wakes up - dried boogers and all. I love when he calls my name from his crib after his nap. I love the little squeal he makes when I walk through the door after work. I love how he slobbers all over my face when I'm lucky enough to get 'kisses' from him. I love how he sounds talking and singing from the back seat while we're driving. I love how he laughs so hard his eyes water when you pretend to sneeze. I love how he likes for me to chase him around the house on all fours. I love how he pets the cat (Smokey may not). I love how he dances, just moving his arms up and down. I love how he watches new things and people with such interest. I love how it feels to be in love with him!

I pray that Steve and I are as always, or even more so, responsive to his learning and needs. That we are Godly parents and examples. That we always GIVE PRAISE for this absolutely amazing gift. I pray that we have 'Word Vomit' like crazy always!!!

Almost A Year!

I can't believe it has been almost a year since Ian was born. I hate to get ahead of myself since there is almost a month left, yet I can't help but look at him and wonder when all that development happened.

Since he has been crawling it is a little easier to play with him. As he learns to motor about, and faces new challenges, his personality is beginning to show more. He is realizing that there is alot he can now do. However, as we all find, the more we learn just leads us to understand better how much more there is to learn. This leads to a little frustration every now and then, but it never lasts long.

I am just blessed to be a part of all of this right now. I am getting an opportunity not too many fathers get. We have bonded in many ways. Ian shows me something new everyday. And he has most definitely shown me where true happiness comes from.

The video below is just one of hopefully many to come. Just a glimpse into our lives, dirty house and all. We can settle for a dirty house, because that's just more time we spend with Ian.

Off And Runnin

This is just to inform all of you that Ian is now crawling. He has been crawling about two weeks now. It started off as him only being able to move a couple of feet before laying down and rolling as he had always done. That lasted about two days you all know the rest. His favorite thing to mess with is Smokey's food and water dishes, which isn't so bad.

Rachel and I are now playing the game of trying to anticipate his next object of fascination, so that we can take the proper precautions. I guess on some level, this is the game we will be playing till he graduates and moves on, so the practice is probably needed.

He seems to be enjoying the explorations and seeing the new reactions he gets from mom and dad, and for the time being, so are mom and dad. I'll post some pictures in the next few days.

Coolness

I was playing around a while back and made a slide show of Ian. Picassa has really added alot of cool features that allows me to put video on Ian's blog. It also will allow me to take the stuff off of our video recorder and put it on here also.

I look forward to sharing all of these great things with you in the future, seeing as it is so easy now. Below is the slide show I was talking about.

You can be sure that there will be one of these put together for the NCAA Basketball Champions this year, the Kansas Jayhawks!

A Few Christmas Pictures

Here are a few pictures that Nathan took while we were in Fort Worth. I will have some video and pictures from our time in Kansas as I get time to download them.

We hope everyone had a happy beginning to 2007! We have so far and will keep you informed of plans we have for Ian's 1st birthday.

First Time Out of Texas

Just wanted to say that we have the most amazing son. He is only 9 months old and yet for reasons he does not understand, we place him facing away from us and venture out on a 7 hour car drive. As we travel to places he has never seen and for a longer time he is accustomed to, he remains happy, content. Passing time with the simple noises he learns to make or the chewing of his own sock (still on his foot, might I add), gaining comfort in times of silence by the voices coming from the front seat that he can only hear. He may not see us, but knows we are there, and that we are speaking to him.

Traveling with him, as great as he was, is still a slower process that requires patience as we stop to feed him, change him, or stretch his legs. This was a great lesson in patience and the joy we receive from slowing down our lives enough to see the happiness and simplicity that Ian gives in his joyful acceptance of the unknown.

God has blessed us in ways I cannot put into words. We have, through Ian, a teacher that delivers each lesson with impeccable timing and in a language anyone could understand.

As I go with my Father on that unknown journey, with my back to all that is familiar. I hope to recall Ian's example, and find comfort in the simple things. I long to be content with chewing on my socks. I long for the day that I can be comforted as I utter the only sounds I can, knowing that one day that meaningless noises that only I can understand, will allow me to communicate with my Father on a different level. What Ian taught me last week was that when my Father speaks to me, I must focus on those words alone, and shout back in joy that He was talking to me.....He is still there, waiting for the day I speak back the things He has spoken to me over and over again so that I may know more deeply what is said to me.

This is just joyful babble though, I will never be able to put into words what lies deep within God's most gracious gift to me, in the past 2 thousand years or so. My only desire is that I give all I am and all I have back to Him.

Coming Soon....

....Pictures of Ian's 1st Christmas!!!